Skin.. is it ever comfortable?

So Christmas happened, and it faded into the night, but christmas lights still turn on night after night since. It is that prolonging of “its not over, its not over” when really, guys come on, it is.

But Happy New Year!!

I have been spending the past few days in an empty house, full of new smells of a new kitchen and loungeroom. It isnt my home anymore as such but hey, why not enjoy the new stuff! I love being alone in this house. It kind of fuels so many distractions for me. Debateable if that is a good thing.

Heather and I head down the coast tomorrow to go camping. Our last getaway before she moves overseas. It will be good, even though my camping gear is shithouse. I found a water tank thing, a gas stove and a rusty stand for it, and a table that has a leg missing so, will find a few rocks to maybe hold it up?

The guy on the phone when I booked it, sounded pissed off that I was even booking a camping site. That or he has some sort of insect bite and was unpleasant due to that.

Yesterday I was going downstairs to answer the door to meet my old friend Jenna when i got tangled up in my thongs (flip flops, jandals) and trod on my toe and it cracked. Today it is swollen and purple. Looks fake in a way, like i paid a cheap makeup artist.

I feel so disconnected in a way, like i am unplugging myself from the past year, and blowing out the dust and ready to plug into 2009. Its pretty standard for people to do that I guess. I know the next year will shape me a lot and I feel more comfortable in myself. I am fitter, healthier looking and more confident. Though I still trip over my own toes and break them. Irony?

The camping trip will be my time to write more and just relax and reflect. Heather got me a gift voucher for a writing course which meant to so much to me, I need to challenge myself more with that, and continue with that dream to make and inspire.

Tigh reminded me that I need to keep living for now as well. Not to strip away the future with thinking too much.

2009… come on… come on..

Merry Christmas…

Hey All

I have been terrible and slack again, just when I thought things were going well and in routine.
I am finishing up at work for the year this week, its been good and bad, but hey most jobs are! I have settled in fine, and have a review tomorrow, lets see if I get rehired!

Life wise, I am getting there. The time to be myself and be single is really helping. I am in routine, I go to the gym 4 times a week, looking and feeling better. I think more about what I want to write about (the actual writing part hasnt happened yet!). And I also read a lot more.

I have seen Neal a fair few times in the past months, it has been good, always good to see him and appreciate the person he is. Our future together though, there is no point looking at, cause I need to stay where I am at, and its doing me good. And I can see Neal learning and working a lot about himself out too. And if someone comes along for him, then cool, I would be happy for him.

My plans for overseas are still scheduled… for end of next year. Though EXACT dates are yet to be worked out, I have some debt to my Dad! That is my priority.

Our house is almost done with the kitchen installed yesterday and everything else just needs a coat of paint. Bit weird, Andrew and Jo move in on the weekend and its kind of like I dont belong there anymore. It is like it has become someone elses house now and I am the boarder upstairs. Treading on egg shells. It doesnt help when my Dad reminds me that I shouldnt hang downstairs much. Right.. thanks Dad. I feel so welcome and at home. Andy and Jo dont care and want me to treat it like my home, but yeah its still their home and still their dream. I dont want to cramp it. It leaves me feeling a bit.. restless and uncertain.

Holidays coming up and Christmas. I am more looking forward to the holidays bit. Christmas is just odd now. The little kid Lloyd inside of me would shed a tear.. but hey life changes. Maybe one day when I have my own family and partner etc it will be a cooler experience. Not the present where I have to work out when my mother and father wont be seeing each other but still have some kind of forced christmas with them both on the same day, just different meals, along with my siblings. And my father asking me to go to his side of the family’s lunch cause I am “welcome to”. Right… but his side of the family look at me like I died. And one of the cousins doesnt want to talk to me cause being gay is “wrong”. I dont waste my time.

Heather leaves in under 2 months now. I am so happy for her and the adventure she will have. I try not to think how weird and hard it will be not to be able to hang with her anymore.. but just be able to use skype. But hey… its karma, I buggered off and left her here, now its my turn! In a way.. not the same but yeah.

So here you go, and tigh, there you go 🙂

Till later.