Guitar in traffic

I was rushing off to pickup some dry cleaning for my boss when I was sitting in lights, impatient as usual… when I focussed on a truck that was sitting in traffic coming from the other way. I looked at him and thought, ha he looks like he has an electric guitar strapped to him and he is singing his lungs out. Then thought, oh well, he probably isnt but can just say I saw that today as it would be a great “cool” facebook positing. You know, one that people will comment on and I will rock. Actually, it concerns me I think like that sometimes even though I say that in a mocking way. OK so back to him.. I looked closer (not like we can zoom) and he actually was playing a guitar in his truck, waiting for the lights to go green. Singing out in his cabin. Then the lights went green and away we went.

Its funny how in a day I can go from going through normal everyday emails and tasks to suddenly hearing we have a photoshoot from next week, less than a week away probably and we have to find three models and we will be driving across part of Australia. It doesnt phase me, it excites me.


So my niece’s bday party was quaint and cool. Simply cause it was the first proper birthday party of the next generation for our family. And its so cool to see how birthdays used to be for you as a kid. The list of presents and how they all were so relevant and cool. And the funny thing is, most of them would have existed in my generation, technology isnt TOO up and coming for them.

I found it fascinating to observe which ones she liked and then which ones she loved. It really began to show her own little personality coming out. She loved her new tea set she got. She instantly opened it, poured herself and her new doll fake tea and began sipping and talking to her doll. She is two and its already been informed to her that social activities are a highlight, along with tea drinking. My nephew was just stoked to be holding some green nobble thing, so he may be younger but likes green.

I spent an entire time packing parcels to different parts of the world today (helping out at work on Mondays with the orders as it is quite busy) with some work mates quoting Monty Python. It is impressive it is a topic that can last that long, not many other shows or movies could top the quotable of quotable movies. No? “We are the knights who say ‘nee’. Reminds me of memories of staying up very late with school friends and thinking we were the best, cause we just discovered Monty Python. Poor school teachers who have to put up with the phase of grade 9 boys constantly quoting… Bless em.

Warm concrete or brick walls, from the morning sun, are bliss. Or from the afternoon sun and its just gotten dark and you walk past and can feel it radiate.

Had a model come in for a casting today. After we took a few snaps and said cool, thats all we need, he then asked if we could take some more and then began to pose. The odd thing was, he was being serious. So Sean then felt he had to take some more photos and act like it was totally normal for this to occur. Who has that in their head to ask for more photos? Maybe to make the moment last? Dunno… Tempted to put up a few of the photos, but probably a breach of privacy or something.

Tigh is in my head a lot…

A lady walked into our office yesterday for a meeting. She casually walked across to the other side of the office to look at the plasma TV and asked me what the specs were. I dont really have these on the back of my hand or on file in my lizard handbook, so had to say I didnt know. She was TV shopping and wanted advice. I smiled and kept making a coffee.

Remember… be cool. And hangout with Steve.

Setting a T

A fragrance is cool for a while and you wear it often and then one day you realise you havent worn it in ages and then smell it and go, that smells like young memories, not todays. And based on that, it can be off putting and you pull out your new fragrance and go, yes, thats today.

Off to my niece’s 2nd birthday this afternoon. Already two… and its awesome seeing her become her own little person. I am on a mission prior to find some bath toys for her. Currently she has two shampoo lids… which is poor form. Maybe it creates more creativity, those shampoo lids could be container ships and carry hundreds of ponies across the seas? Though I guess because when I had bathtime as a kid, having toys to play with was crucial. Though really I had a lot of shampoo bottles who became people of a sea town. I think it was sea town anyways… SO bath toy hunt begins soon, or should I just buy a whole set of shampoo bottles? Cheap skate uncle..

Those times when you feel you should educate yourself more led me to stumble on “10 historic facts that are false”… which was quite interesting. One being that greek statues were actually brightly painted and not actually marble looking… and the pyramids were highly polished limestone that even shone brightly at night. My work here is done, to educate myself some more and even now you, are enlightened.

Spoke to Tigh on the phone for an hour yesterday. Was quite a helpful but also a hard phone call. No idea where it will head but even in the end of the day if it helps with understanding and healing, then that isnt a bad thing.

I walk into a room, there are people having punch, a non descript woman laughs, in a non descript way. Then the music plays.

I am really liking this song (which I have worked out how to embed in my blog, thanks mice) Great lyrics, and I dont usually listen to lyrics straight off. People are either music focussed or lyrics focussed in a song. I follow the tune and beat and feel, then notice lyrics later. Can be annoying when you discover the lyrics to be declaring your love for getting down on the floor.

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So I was informed by some words today that this will be my 100th post. I started this over 5 years ago and to be honest, didnt think I would keep going with it after a few months. Sure I am crap and dont post for a few weeks sometimes and then there is a tumbleweed but then, hey, another post. Cut some slack is a great saying.

Those days or weeks where you feel like you are a bit of a zombie. Where you function at work but then you get home and its like time clicks fast forward and there is a time lapse of you sitting at a desk or lounge not really moving and then it stops and slows down again to getting into bed, then light goes off.

Kinda time to snap out of that one, I had my reserve of energy charged up again now.

My friend Mariana and her boyfriend Sam were walking through some markets the other day. There was an upset woman walking around and handing out flyers saying “lost cat”. And no it did not have a red hat. So they took a flyer and didnt think anything of it. Then they were in another part of the suburb later that day and a man was handing out flyers saying “found cat”. They put the posters together and it was the same cat. They told the lady and she rang happy to say she had the cat back. Moral of the story, dont take flyers. They just end up in the bin a few metres up from where people hand them out no?

I sent Tigh an email pretty much expressing what I was realising… Now to wait to see if he even replies.

I had an email this morning from a fella who stumbled across my blog and found it really relevant. It meant a lot as I sometimes have no clue who or if many people read this. I know a few friends to, and that means a lot in itself.

Another weekend coming, with my niece’s birthday on Sunday. 2 years old. And I still remember sipping Turkish apple tea in the blue mountains with Neal when I first heard she was born. Life does sort of rock hey.

Even ugliness has beauty. Like below.

And what do you do for work?

I went to a houseparty the other night, a friend of mine invited me to go as he feels, and hey I accept, that I dont go too well when it comes to all gay events. I either freak out randomly and get in a bad mood and want to leave or I go all silent AND leave. So was open to the challenge of working on my social skills. Why do I get like this, I hear you ask… well I think because I have that stupid case of not feeling like I can relate or better still, act like I cant relate.

So we turned up and it was a big wide open stylish apartment with music going and fashionable humans around the room. I think when you tell yourself inside “dont look awkward, dont look awkward” you end up smiling and walking across looking awkward and staring blankly at drinks and fumbling for a cup to make your own drink. Anyways after a few minutes I relaxed and made eye contact with people cause you know, its what you do. I was introduced to an Argentinian couple (they arent Argentinish supposedly..) and chatted to them for a while, very kind fellas. Naturally you are asked what you do as a job… sometimes I like to say something else. I am often an employee at an ice cream shop.

Before I knew it, two hours had gone and I was convinced to go to a bar for more drinks. At this stage I was tipsy so no way was I going to drive my car home and my flatmate was working nearby until 3am so accepted the fact that I would wait until then for a lift home. Bar hopping is what occurred and dancing. Then it got to 3am and knocking on my flatmate’s bar’s door asking for him to drive him home. Nah he was off to drinks so I followed.

This night turned into me thinking… funny how some alcohol makes you think MORE when people think it will make you distracted from hurt or drama or what is happening in life.

Found out Tigh is moving to Sydney in September and that naturally didnt go down too well in my mind… since the reason we ended was cause of distance and moving based on a relationship was too hard to handle. My thoughts are out in the jury room right now really.

My blinds are really not the most functional. Vertical blinds should be killed as their function is hindered by gravity, and crap design.

Funny how we vent on blogs about… blinds or.. dating. , when probably at the same moment someone has just been buried in a bomb blast and almost dead. But I guess life is life and in context..

Ugh light globe just blew.


So I just completed my tax return once again. Its that time of year for Australians and the wonderful online etax system is great. There is a lot of clicking “no” involved throughout the questionaire and some of them are fantastic questions accountants simply and purely.. adore. And to me, they sound like the questions I would be asked while preparing for takeoff to the moon. Same difference really. Actually there is a lot of differences between tax and trips to the moon.

My Dad made the effort the other day to come to my house for dinner. He was an hour late but that didnt matter, was still for him to attempt to find my house in the laneways of the inner west. He parked 1KM from my house and then walked and got lost. No attempt to call me either. He got here and I impressed him with some sort of jarred curry (jarred as in, came from a jar, not.. a way of spattering or keeping over a-jar a piece of chicken). Ended in a cup of tea and hearing about how his new house is coming along that is being built. He also asked me if I wanted to go on the Cradle Mountain walk again. This is in Tasmania, and I was dragged along on it when I was 14 years old and it takes 6 days. Its a beautiful walk and maybe when I was 14 I didnt appreciate it AS much but I still have memories of the rarity of what I was doing compared to most 14 year olds at my school. So whether I go on it again with my Dad and my brother possibly. Could be another life experience, we all keep getting older and stuff.

Dont accidentally let your shopping trolley go down the ramp to the shops, as it may hit an old lady who then explains she just had a hip replacement.

What extracurricular activity should I do? I seem to distract myself with mundane and time wasting things like the internet and TV shows that arent out in Australia yet when I could be.. doing Tai Kwon Do or… Salsa dancing. Or do I get told I should be doing stuff like that. I would probably take up some sort of dance class or something physical, so I can have a variety of things keeping me fit along with forcing myself to be social with people I dont know from the beginning. Which is always good. Its easy to just get home everyday and dump keys, wallet and phone on the shelf, sit down at the laptop and then notice oh wow 4 hours have passed and what did I do..

I have a photo on my desk of mum, dad, my two older brothers and myself. Mum is pregnant with my sister.

Wowzers. Someone working as a script writer on Inspector Gadget surely has to be penned for making up that word. Or he/she overheard it in an elevator one time.

Right, off to a house party now. My friend challenged me to go, cause its his friend’s party and I wont know anyone and so its another throw in the deep end moment and see how well I swim. I need these situations.

July is pretty darn cold..

The last week has been 2 degrees at night. This is Australia, not London. OK now that I have vented that I can also justify how lame I am that I have an electric blanket. It cures the cold really. Until its time to get up at 6am and go for a run.

The hill near my house is where I go for a run. When I leave to go there its dark so the first time I run up the hill there are other dark objects there too, they are other humans and canines. Then the sun begins to rise and the shapes get lighter and they dont all seem like criminals anymore but old ladies with their foo foo dogs.

The view up the top is just simply worth seeing. Probably more from the perspective of me who grew up in Sydney and from this hill you can see every part of Sydney, even the pretty airport..

I visited my family home last weekend and finally lugged some more of my possessions back to my home. In it was my coke bottle collection which naturally everyone has and realised I have nowhere to put it let alone display… into storage it goes. Along with all my written diaries I wrote in the space of 2003-2006. It is quite haunting to read them. They are written to God as such and how I felt. There is so much guilt and apologies in there, cause of how trapped and lost I felt, I couldn’t even write the word gay in there, in case someone read it, but just kept begging God to change me and for me not to give up. I am simply so thankful I was given the path to get out of that mind. Though also makes me sad thinking of hw many people are still out there feeling that. I believe God never wants people to feel this guilt and hopelessness about who they are.

Holidays.. I want to decide where to go. I could go to London again and spend some time there for two to three weeks. Or go somewhere like NYC. Though both are expensive but full of possible adventures. Or the other thought would be to just stay here and do something local.

Sometimes I still censor things on here because of the worry certain people read it and dont want to offend or hurt them. I guess that is understandable, but then there is so much going on that I cant even begin to say and it looks like all I have to say is stuff about running up hills and coke bottle collections.

I also got my piano back in the house. Play Lloyd, Play.