Milk Bottles

I always get informed it’s almost my birthday or Christmas when you check the use by date of the milk. Oh it expires on my birthday, should really organise my own birthday party again. Oh it expires on Christmas eve, I should really purchase something for someone or make a cake.

Off to ‘The Morning Show’ this morning, yeah pun intended, though is it a pun or a stating of the obvious? We have been on it before and it is simply so housewives have eye candy for a few minutes in their living rooms across Australia. Five models, ten pairs of underwear to work out what goes where and a green room.

The funny thing is at Polly’s having that dance with one of the choreographer’s of So You Think You Can Dance, turns out one of his best friends is host of The Morning Show. Life is small and big at the same time.

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Location:Allen St,Leichhardt,Australia

Not old enough..

I woke Tuesday to a sore back… once again. Yep its a whinge moment, but come on, I am 25 and now have bad back problems which involve trips, and successful trips to the Chiro. But at least I havent had an issue for about 6 months! I also have my twisted ankle that wont heal. So great combo for when I am enthusiastic about continually getting fit! Stubborn me continues to go, hey gym will be fine, these ailments wont hinder me. Yeah they do when I realise I stand in the gym for 20 minutes flicking through songs on random play on my MP3 Player, no, no, no, no, ye… no, no. Notice how I said MP3 player, so I can remain mysterious as to what cultural branded device I do or do not cave to.

This blog is 1 in 200 000 000 blogs out there. Just read that. 200 million people managing what they say and do in their life. What does that say about people in general. A general fear we wont be remembered when we die, or a general feeling of what we do is important enough to document?

I ended up going to the Chiro (yes I saved this blog and continued on post chiropractor, did not travel in time). Loved the fact I was lying on my stomach and the assistant was massaging my back with this large crazy vibrator thing when the doorbell rang, she went to answer it and some woman came in demanding to know what the name of the plants were in the window. She had no idea, so woman left pissed off.

My car key no longer automatically opens the doors. I thought it was that the battery had died. It wasnt. I replaced the battery. Well at least its novel and I feel like I am back in 1990 when it was cool to open your car door with a key.

Wanna wake up early at dawn so I can speak to the sky.
Went to Polly’s last night. Was amazing. Simply a beautiful atmosphere with friendly people everywhere just having fun. And I was with such good people I am so happy to have in my life. I ended up having a dance off, didnt realise they were an actual dancing champion, but when you are slightly drunk, your dancing rocks and I totally beat him.

Embarrassing Situations..

So I had someone call be just before saying “Ah so we have never discussed the time you walked into the bathroom when I was going to the toilet”.

“No we havent discussed this, do you wish to?”

“Yeah, was wondering if things had become awkward since then”

“Nah.. had forgotten about it until now”

“Well, was telling people here of awkward situations and I said I had one, and then realised I hadnt spoken to you about it”

“Ah ok, well now we have. Not awkward. I also now know that some people DO read magazines on the toilet”

“Yep, whole articles”

Lady GaGa was pretty cool, seeing her again live. Newcastle is another story. Never walk through the backstreets of Newcastle (Newcastle in Australia, well probably even Newcastle UK as well) as it is just dodgey. Its like you have stepped into a time machine and you are back in 1990. Weatherboard houses, distant smell of bbq from a few hours ago, old Holdens, overgrown grass and rundown wooden fences. I hid my iPod in case it caused a rift in time.

This weekend, is Polly’s again. The style of event where its like, as my friend says, a church dance ran by gay uncles. A whole group of friends are coming this time and my mum is going with her friends too. Always a good night.

I saw Imogen Heap last night, I was a bit of a concert man this weekend. She was simply amazing. Her personality came through in her music and I dont think I have seen anyone more funny than her, I want to be her friend. She records things from bells to the birds in her park and burning wood and then mixes it into the song. She even used the crowd for a few songs. And the song “Hide and Seek” she is so famous for, was simply tops. To see and hear that song live, when for me it has such a personal story to it and back in the day, made my weekend.


So am heading to Newcastle soon. Got a Lady GaGa concert. I dont really know the guy I am going with, but he doesnt have anyone to go with anymore because of unfortunate circumstances, and I am always up for random situations and experiences, so why not go on a road trip to Newcastle and see the odd people adoring Lady GaGa. My car, me, an iPod and this fella called Jeremy.

I spoke to Hadleigh on the weekend. The last thing I did in Melbourne. Asked him what on earth happened back in the day. Hadleigh was the opera singer who.. is really the only person I ever gave my whole heart to. Moved from London to Auckland to see him for the first time, and the innocent and naive love I had for him drove that move. He had such a all consuming career and that drove him. So back in the day (four years ago) the whole thing fell flat on its face, simply because there was no room for that hope. Seeing him in Melbourne, it was like seeing him four years ago, didnt realise how stupid it would feel to feel like no time had passed and how I felt would still be there. For him, he cares about me like noone else but, also for him, he doesnt feel that way about me anymore and cant explain why. I dont expect him to be able to explain but hey.
Knowing all that now, really helps. I can now move forward with the knowledge I hadnt accepted before that.. I hadnt really let anyone else in since then cause of that fear and also slight hope something would happen with him again. When Neal came along, he was slightly ripped off cause I coudnt give 100% cause of the past. I know this is quite familiar to most and can relate, but now I know and can happily continue on now. Advice: never fall for someone who is in love with music. You will always be second.
Went to a Men’s Health Magazine function on Tuesday night. aussieBum sponsored the Men’s Health Challenge which resulted in 6 guys competing to be the April 2010 cover man. Not much competition at all… There were plenty of women who thought they must have been part of the competition, falling over in their heels and sipping chardy way too much but hey, why not? Supposed hot men were going to be there. They all had their gf’s clinging to them. And the view was amazing, sunset over the harbour. Mariana came with me and she made me drink wine, to the point we had to get a cab home, and also have a fight with complimentary hair gel we received in the gift bags. I won, Brazil lost.
Would it be best if we all had egg timers for our heart? Ohhhh deep.

The Yarra

The Yarra River is literally two metres next to me and I can hear the whip cracking of a cliché street entertainer above me on the bridge. I am at a café on a bridge pilon and its quite cool. Melbourne. What is worse, the street entertainer or the people who actually stop to watch them?

I flew to Melbourne for the weekend spontaneously by myself, just to get away and feel more interesting. That’s what you do no? This city is full of nooks and crannies and a lot of things to do. It is quite beautiful and totally different to Sydney, and there is no point comparing the two.

Jumped in a cab last night and the guy said “hello, do you mind if I turn this song up really loud, I LOVE it” And then cranked this song that was in hindi and sounded so so bollywood. I had just left a really upsetting situation and instantly I was trying not to laugh at how bizarre the situation was. He then kept looking into the mirror saying he had something in his eye, while tapping the steeting wheel and humming the words. After about two mins, he turned the music down and then asked me if I minded that he pull over at a petrol station to wash his eye. “Um sure”. While I stared straight ahead and wondered if this got any weirder. He pulled over and stopped the taxi metre and then got out, sat on the car bonnet and had a bottle of water and poured it over his head and into his eye. He got back into the cab and smiled, totally wet, “Its gone!” The rest of the trip he changed the station to an English one and he chatted about aussieBum and wondered what it meant. I explaned it was underwear, and he said, “Ahh Aussie BUMS!, HA HA HA”. A minute later I exited the cab and gave him a tip. Weird, but he entertained me and cheered me up.

Why was I upset? Well long story short, a piece of the past came back to haunt me for the night and didn’t expect it to. Sometimes do you wonder if you are back at square one, and its kind of refreshing to accept it but also depressing at the same time? Cause it makes so much sense why you feel or act the way you do and you realise you aren’t insane but actually coherent. When I am not in control of a situation, naturally its hard.

I have done 3 radio interviews about Banana underwear now. And another tomorrow morning. My favourite one has been the Toronto radio station, who loved the way I said “Banana”. Very fun and easy to chat to. But weird that I am doing it, as I am a kid who had always struggled to express what was in my head.

I have discovered I cant handle sitting next to mirrors in a restaurant. Cause there is this self conscious want to keep seeing whats to your left or right but hey, its just you. Oh and its you again, oh and yes, its still you.


Google “Lloyd Jones banana” and you will discover I have now been quoted in random online news articles all around the world this weekend. Little did I know that a phone call at work from a small known company called “Reuters” would quote me when they called and include it in a release. Also the fact that its all about a new underwear range that we released called “Banana” cause it is made from the banana plant. The concept of being quoted and your words placed in news articles has really thrown me. It freaked me out and made me panic, whether what I said was right or.. the simple fact my name is out there and mentioned in a public way. Though then having a blog, doesnt freak me out? Hmm odd.

Last night… MG party. In once sentence, the lead up to the party and the bars Mariana and I went to beforehand, was more fun than the party itself. I dressed looking slightly police looking with a fake bullet proof vest and shorts, and Mariana in a corset and black short skirt. Suitable. Had drinks at a bar and laughed a lot and shared a lot, which I think was the highlight of the night. We then made our way to another bar which is totally non pretentious and danced for an hour or so. We made friends with a Columbian guy, and Mariana is Brazilian and since thats pretty much the same thing, (right?) they got along well. But lost him 4 mins later. Finally got to the party and as usual, was packed, struggled to find friends and just got draining… Saw George Michael perform for about twenty seconds and then he left. Dropped my wallet and lost it, but amazingly got texted a little while later that someone had found it and handed it into security.. so after chasing security guards around for 30 mins and Mariana ripping her dress we found my wallet and it had all the money still in it. That doesnt happen these days, was very chuffed.
About 2am we went home, it just was that time. Had a ball but just not as planned.
Had lunch with my brother and sister in law today and niece. It really is the small things in life that are the best. Watching my niece trying to feed herself yoghurt with three spoons at once and having it all over her face, just made me smile so much. Human development and where we started… just fascinate me. That to her, she was totally cool… yoghurt is MEANT to be all over your face when consuming it, and it can be removed by spoons or your fingers, or possibly the TV remote control.

Amelie Soundtrack..

I find if you listen to the Amelie soundtrack and then just put a slideshow of random photos from your past, you can feel like a movie. Is that arrogant… probably not as I suggest anyone do this to make your own special movie moment. Crap some dance song came on and ruined the moment.

MG Party tonight. I have been convinced to dress up as a cop. We have props etc at work and we happen to have a cop outfit that we hired for a shoot. But as usual, I am paranoid I may get in trouble by the actual cops that I am pretending to be a cop. Though really, what can they expect.. it wont be a replica. Hmm who am I kidding, this argument is to myself. It is a tad cliche though.. you know, Village People image. But dont worry, this is more Australian cop so hey, difference no? My good friend Mariana has been having it tough so we are both going along just to have fun and dress up and watch the amusing scenarios occur around us.
Oh Beautiful Day by U2 just came on. Reminds me of being in grade 10 in 2000 and a friend at the time Rachel, blaring it from her lungs in Geography class for about 3 months. Smell of teenage damp sweat in a class room, awkwardness and smell of paper and pencils (even though we used pens) and a dull discussion about demographics in Georgia. The country, not the US state.
Creative frustration is ever continuous. So much energy inside yet no idea how to splat it out there. Splat.. or place, either one. Cant even find a pirated version of Photoshop so I can play with some photos I took. Damn pirates.
My friend Luke hates any musician that has big feels and a little voice. ie. Regina Spektor, Lisa Mitchell to mention a few. I discover I am the opposite sometimes. The quirky music that would be on an arty/try hard advertisement I end up liking, unless it ends on an advertisement.
Happy Mardi Gras 2010 everyone. No idea what we are celebrating or making stand for, but its an excuse to party. May tonight be.. well.. fun.


Saturday was one of those days where, didnt care whatsoever if people saw me cry. And it occurred about four times in one day.

I turned up at the bed and breakfast where my sister was staying with her bridesmaids, to pick up the rose petals for the aisle. Walked in and my sister was getting her makeup on. She looked great, and it was one of those moments where you have seen many females in facebook photos etc getting their makeup on before their wedding… but when you see your own sister, its just odd. Special in a way, looking over at you grinning, smiling like she would have when she was eight on christmas day. I hung around and my mum and dad were both there, in the same house and it didnt seem too odd.
I carried some luggage out to the car for my sis’ best friend and before I knew it I had rolled my ankle and bounced back and was walking again and then realised… that wasnt cool. Looked down and had a massive egg on my ankle. I hopped inside and collapsed on lounge and just grimaced in the pain. Then both my mum and dad came into the room and both went into action. Ibuprofen, ice pack.. shoe off… just both of them talking and looking after me. I hadnt felt this kind of care from them like this in years, and they were doing it together. They had rarely spoken in the five years since they ended. So for one unique and special moment I had them both like they were when I was a kid. That was first moment of tears.
My sister came out of her room just as she was about to put her dress on, to see how I was etc. I told her to go get ready as she had to leave in about 5 mins. I hopped outside and jumped in the car to get the rose petals to the beach. I was wearing quite an expensive suit that was loaned to me, with one shoe off and got out at the beach and hopped over to the small crowd that was gathering on the grass where the ceremony was to happen. Perfect clear day, almost 10am and slightly warm. I had a few odd looks, well maybe more than a few. My bro Andy walked up and said “Of course, only Lloyd would do something like this at this time”. There were only a few chairs for the parents and grandparents. I now hijacked two, one for me and then one for my foot. And we waited for Lou to get there. She did, and turned around and saw Dad leading her down the grass to the front. Bloody hell, those movies that make it so moving… totally get it. To see your little sister walking down the aisle to get married.. life flashes before your eyes and every step closer, feels like yep, we are finally and officially grown ups. She is the youngest and final sibling to get married as such (as when would I ever get “married”). Anyways I am not hijacking this story about a lame stab for gay rights as.. we have it pretty damn good in this country. I looked at my brother and he was crying, and geesh if I see any of my family members cry, I am there instantly crying too. So, number two set of tears.
After the ceremony, managed to get out of there fairly fast, after avoiding comments from my nan about how I should go to hospital because it looks horrible and most definitely broken and I could die. Found a car wash and managed to convince them to clean the Range Rover I was driving, in under 30 mins. This began to fail instantly as they began vacuuming the car after highlighting to them, three times, I didnt want the INSIDE clean. 45 minutes later it was clean and drove away with it still wet, as I was running late for the reception.
Arrived on time and after eating lots of cocktail food until I felt sick (My sis in law and I followed the trays, we should have been making seagull sounds), Lou and Dean arrived and the whole reception was really nice and relaxed. The speeches finally came… and geesh. Dad’s, Dean’s Dad’s, Lou’s and Dean’s speeches all just caused waterworks. So genuine, and I dont think I had witnessed that much love in the words for a long time. Soppy yeah but hey, do I go intensely soppy in these post much? So that was the final moment and probably the longest I got teary for then went over to Andy who was also a mess. Was amusing at the same time as it was refreshing to be emotionally honest with family.
So in summary, a good day. Dropped my sister and Dean off at their hotel and said farewell. Felt privileged to be the final person to say bye before their honeymoon.
I was given a coke bottle from Brazil.. so my coke collection continues..
Interviewed by Channel 9 today. Cameras in your face are a tad disconcerting and the easiest questions become hard as nothing seems to sound right or correct.
See below. Myself and my three siblings, the one wearing the dress got married.