I so often feel like I expect people to notice my thoughts. To pick up on them like it was a 100 dollar note in the street. And then I get upset when they dont. Really, its quite lazy to assume or expect this, and not do what most do, and speak up. But then the fear that when you do, you wont get a response or even recognition that you spoke.
I am constantly thinking, how to better follow my gut. And combined with always trying to make sure everyone around me is happy, but most of the time, doing both does not work, it does not compute to an equals sign of happiness for the universe. Cause yeah of course my actions and life ARE the centre of the universe..
My mum sends me a text the other day saying “Jenny is leaving me”. Jenny being the woman she left our family for. I really didnt know what to say or think, so I didnt say anything. Another awesome trait of mine. I have always been so under pressure growing up to say and do something in any situation, so now I am the opposite, refuse to feel pressured. So now get the situations where either someone I care about, or potentially WILL care about, says stuff and opens up, and if I am happy to listen, but then dont know how to answer their qualms, I just am silent. So therefore I am doing what I fear people will do to me. Speaking up and then having no response. Epiphony (spelling, pff yeh?) I do what I hate others doing. Should really take a note of that.
I was offered a massive opportunity today. So I have to not hesitate. I really shouldnt. The more risks you take the more you get back I reckon.
Last week involved being tied up and had permanant marker written all over me.
This week was a flat out week at work, first week of the year, but I loved it.
Something I worked out, is that I can be so hesitant about my perceptions. I notice something yet do nothing about it, cause my whole life I was told to not go with my gut feelings but to do what God wanted. So even now I am hestiant to follow through with things sometimes and it drives me up the wall. But since I can now verbalise what the hell frustates me so much, its all a continuous wham.
My toe feels a bit better but yeah think I definatley broke it cause it still hasnt gone away. No more running in thongs for me, or flip flops.
New Year was spent with Heather. We got kicked out of Huskisson pub at 10pm, and so found glowsticks lying in playground bark, heather went off to some fence and watched the water while i climbed the giant play equipment. It was fun, then we got to the car, we turned it into a bed and listened to an audio montage on the radio of the events of 2008 (some were really not worth mentioning) and then said woo happy 2009.
Craig is here from yesterday (my brother from Singapore) and its been good. Us 4 siblings just laughing and hanging out. Dad loves it too, his 4 kids under one roof for a few days.
Gym is going well, and I have seen that blind man I accidently knocked over.
I helped clean out the office’s storage facility yesterday. I found these old dodgey garbage bags and put my hand into them. I felt something squishy and cold. I opened it up to the light and there was a mutilated leg with blood all over it. It was fake but a prop from the movie “the ruins” that we worked on. Bloody gave me a heart attack… it even had leg hair in the silicon leg, and it was as heavy as a leg would be, the ankle was bitten into and blood painted all over it. I was entralled and wanted to work out how to get posession of it. The 1001 different pranks I could pull…. There was also a hand and another foot. I died of laughter at all the pranks i pulled in my head anyways.
2 months till my gym goal. I sound so lame saying that, but its true. If I dont talk about it.. it isnt there. Oh wait, thats the church.