I so often feel like I expect people to notice my thoughts. To pick up on them like it was a 100 dollar note in the street. And then I get upset when they dont. Really, its quite lazy to assume or expect this, and not do what most do, and speak up. But then the fear that when you do, you wont get a response or even recognition that you spoke.
I am constantly thinking, how to better follow my gut. And combined with always trying to make sure everyone around me is happy, but most of the time, doing both does not work, it does not compute to an equals sign of happiness for the universe. Cause yeah of course my actions and life ARE the centre of the universe..
My mum sends me a text the other day saying “Jenny is leaving me”. Jenny being the woman she left our family for. I really didnt know what to say or think, so I didnt say anything. Another awesome trait of mine. I have always been so under pressure growing up to say and do something in any situation, so now I am the opposite, refuse to feel pressured. So now get the situations where either someone I care about, or potentially WILL care about, says stuff and opens up, and if I am happy to listen, but then dont know how to answer their qualms, I just am silent. So therefore I am doing what I fear people will do to me. Speaking up and then having no response. Epiphony (spelling, pff yeh?) I do what I hate others doing. Should really take a note of that.
I was offered a massive opportunity today. So I have to not hesitate. I really shouldnt. The more risks you take the more you get back I reckon.