Really?

Just got home from walking from main road to my house. Birds were chirping as the sun began to rise, on an early spring Sunday morning. I walk past this house on way home that looks like a country shack, one that should be in the middle of nowhere. But really it is in the middle of a Sydney inner west suburb, but somehow they make it look like the outback. Fire on the front verandah.. rocking chair.. footy flag stapled to the wooden slats of the house and an abandoned cup of tea on an old chipped table.

I got home from a fun night.. but really if I am honest, a pretty crap night. One of those nights that had potential, but doesnt every night have that potential?

Started with watching Catherine Tate at home with Chem, then drinking and getting a train and secretly carrying coke bottles full of apple juice and vodka.. getting to gay strip and having more beers. Chem bumped into a friend of his and supposedly I look very non subtle if I am in the mood to NOT do small talk. Then we hung out with more mates til I got into the usual spiral mood at a gay bar where I detest the culture around me and people just in a sea of.. sex, and feel like I dont belong. We all left and went to get a cab.

Last minute I didnt get in the cab but went to the bar on the corner. Sat there at 3am and read the paper. A guy came and sat at my table and said hi. His name was James. I thought he said Jane so we had some awkward joke about Jane.. we got talking and he introduced me to his friends. He was really quite cute and seemed switched on and intelligent. He was a bit touchy and so I got the vibe he liked me. So I hung with him and his mates for a few hours.. sobering up as I hate hangovers on a Sunday or any day for that matter.

Spent time talking to his mate as well etc. Lovely group of guys, and noticed James had expressed interested and I was all quite surpirsed by it all. Eventually he whispered “You are really cute” and I smiled and said he was too. I went to kiss him on cheek, and he said “I cant kiss you”.

“Why not?”

“I got a throat infection”

“Oh ok, that sucks”

“Yeah got it on Friday.. and it has gotten worse”.

At this stage, he seemed like the kind of guy I wouldnt care if I got a sore throat from, he was pretty darn sweet. Maybe that is low of me, or desperate but I said “What if I didnt care?”

“You dont care??”

“Nope” Hoping this meant I could kiss the mysterious man.

James gestured over to the mate I was talking to before and said “My BF wont mind either”

“Sorry?” Getting slightly tense.. surely he didnt say that.

“My BF wont mind either”

So at that intant I felt like a loser. Once again I was persuing a guy that was not available. I looked him in the eye and said “I am off mate.” And I walked out of the cab.

I told the cab where to drive to and stared out the window as the sky turned from black to deep blue.. and before I knew it I was near my home. I chose to get out ealier so I could just walk and reflect. Which is what I have now done. Lloyd, deep breaths, its just a phase in life, will read this one day and go.. ah that day. Just like you will for times in your life.

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8 thoughts on “Really?

  1. James says:

    That's crazy! It's a mad world out there. I've had a couple hit on me before and it was MORE than awkward. It was a big turn-off. Anyways, I stopped going out as much recently. It just seems like the same people and the same crowd. Sorry your night wasn't more exciting. I'm sure things will look up!

  2. Cheers James 🙂 I am not so bothered.. just kinda sad that situation occurs way too much.Couples cant keep it in their pants.

  3. Bryan says:

    Unfortunately, it feels like this sort of thing is becoming more and more prevalent. But nothing ventured, nothing gained–if you had to put it in the form of a proverb. I don't get a whole lot of comfort from proverbs, but what else can you do, eh? 🙂

  4. James says:

    Well, one couple here that I know told me that having an open relationship works for them on a lot of levels. It keeps their sex life interesting, but it never interferes with their "marriage". They said it's better than cheating on each other and hurting the other person. They'd much rather know what the other is doing and with who. They know that the other isn't looking for more than a fling with the other person.Personally, I'm into good, old-fashioned monogamy.

  5. I totally have respect if people can do that.. and if it works for them great. I just couldnt. I wanna know my partner.. is mine, and thats it.

  6. James says:

    I'm in total agreement. I think it would be hard to manage an open relationship. I prefer to know that my partner wants to be with me and only me.

  7. I am still reading says:

    Totally awkward. What did they think of you? A plate of Peking Duck to share? Just wrong.

  8. VB says:

    Beautifully written. Very awkward. Yes.

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