When I see that I havent actually written for almost a month, I wonder what that time was. Where I didnt feel like I had anything I wanted to visually see on the screen from my mind. Was it just a silent gap in time or did things occur, did memories lock in place yet the need to express them was not arising. I went to Sydney, saw family and also was reminded why I moved to Melbourne. The city flows with my mind, Sydney does not.

Yet I am not where I want to be. I was at a dinner last night with my friends from Tutankhamun Exhibition and one of them kept asking me what was wrong. If I had been honest and not just said, “No no I am fine, I think you are asking because I have longer hair now, it makes me look moody”, I would have actually said what I thought today. Being around the gang that made my experience last year simply memorable, unforgettable etc and all that stuff, really highlighted that where I am now is like standing on a crust that will crumble soon. Will sink below and not satisfy that need to have purpose. Sure I have my own thin lines of creativity under my arms, sometimes not as strong and supportive yet it keeps me going, I follow these lines forward so I can keep looking. The romantic in me will always see that watercolour image of life to come.

I really like to tell stories. Even just for someone to feel a drop of the essence a story can bring to my own thoughts, makes me happy.

I went down and visited my grandparents last week. My grandfather, who we call Pop, has been quite unwell and recently we began corresponding to each other with letters. I wasnt aware how much this would mean to him and also how much it would mean to myself. the physical action of writing a letter these days is actually painful in the hand these days, slightly concerning as I dont know how I used to write essays, my hand cramped up the other day after a paragraph. The times, they are a-changing. So getting to catch up with Pop the other day was great. I am convinced my Nan and him could be in their own sitcom. I say that then wonder whether it would just be a great sitcom in MY head. Tune in and laugh for half an hour at their banter that sums up my view of a very Australian older generation conversation. Here are a few snippets, yet do not expect to laugh as it may be one of those awkward times where someone is retelling a funny story and the moment comes where the storyteller and the listener realise it isnt funny.

Me: Pop I am vegetarian now.

Nan and Pop together: “Ohh…..”

(silence)

Pop: What does a veejan put on a bread roll then, chicken?

OK I am cringing now, flicking through my mind at other quotes, it really will remain a sitcom for just my mind.

Onto other important things, a screenshot from my facebook, can anyone see why I chuckled? It can be a challenge: 

NYC is my home. Born in Sydney and raised by the sea, I love the world and any opportunity to be myself. I like saying the word puddle.

4 Comment on “The silent gaps

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