So I am sure you all find, that the loop occurs in your life. Sometimes it is often, sometimes it doesnt pop up as much. For some, it never happens but they are lying to themselves. The loop, when you find yourself doing the same thing over and over. Whether it is laziness, staleness or just nothing you can actually change to stop it. For me right now, it is laziness.
Even now, while I write this, my mouse pointer hovers over a tab to read another webpage, anything but face my own structure of thinking, to actually push my cogs in my head to come up with constructive sentences. But then, it isnt that dramatic. I am not struggling in some depressive state, I am having a lot of fun. But I am hard on myself, especially when I move cities and I expect a certain something, and I fall into the lazy routine. When is my photography course? Oh I cant afford it. Really? Yes. Nah I think I can, I just have had the same fear as a kid, where I would be going into a room with strangers and not having any safety net. Noone I knew to talk to but just feel the initial uncomfortable feeling of being alone there. When really, they would all be on the same page, keen to learn like I am. Get some balls Lloyd. No, not that kind. Hey at least I have seen every episode of Dr Who from the new season. That will challenge my life…
I was walking through my exhibition the other day, and I saw a little girl, about three years old. She was kneeling down looking at the golden coffin of Tut’s Great Grandmother and had her mother standing next to her(I am assuming, she could have been her cousin, surrogate mother or preschool teacher). I overheard her say with a deadpan face, “If my Daddy was in there, he would be dead and I would never see him again.” I kept walking but that sentence stuck with me, whether she is just grasping the concept of death, or she really dislikes her Dad today.
What has happened since my birthday? I have attempted running a few times again, went to the grocery shop four times, paid for a tram trip 5 times, learnt to cook Chinese food, saw ‘Love Never Dies’ (the kid in that really needs to go back to school), read a few chapters of London: The Novel, planned a trip to Sydney, check my letterbox twice a day for my birthday present from my family, feed poison to the snails in the letterbox, bought a bar table and danced to Beirut 4.5 times. In my bedroom and slightly in my kitchen. Here is one of their tracks ‘Scenic World’, I will let you watch it twice:
I walked up the Shrine of Rememberence the other day when a mate of mine Dave came to visit from Sydney. Loved the view. I hated the blood my shin produced walking up there.