Ten years ago, I made a deal with God.
I was at church on a Sunday morning, and my friend Ruth announced to our group of friends that she was going to go on a mission trip to Chile. Everyone smiled and patted her on the back, saying how exciting that was and good on her for taking up God’s calling. Inside, for some reason, I felt a nudge. Was it God’s calling?
All afternoon I was thinking about the concept, and what Ruth was going to do. She was going to serve God, tell people about his love and kindness, and how they can be saved from their sin. I wanted people to see that about me. I wanted them to not think anything else other than, “Wow he is one godly guy”. But deeper than that, I wanted something much bigger.
So that afternoon I sat down, looking out across my backyard from my bedroom and simply said, “God, I feel you want me to go to Chile. If I do, will you make me straight?”.
“Will you change all these feelings inside, make me smile on the inside and not feel so empty? I know what I am, and I am told everyday that it is not something I can be. So I ask you change me, as you have the ability to.”
I stood up, and went downstairs.
That night, I told everyone in our group I was going to join Ruth on the mission trip to Chile. I got big hugs from Ruth and those around me. God would make it all just perfect.
On that trip, I was to learn a list of lessons, that I never would have written myself. The mission itself, what we were going to achieve, who knows how that impacted anyone. It isn’t up to me to know that. But I got a real sense for the first time, of just being myself and a set of strangers became my friends based on that. One step closer to the bigger lesson.
Now ten years later, I am proud to say that God never wanted to make me straight. Cause who he made me to be, was nothing but spot on how he had planned. It may be quite a soppy post, but it makes me think about all the other fellas out there, who are going through the exact same thing. Making deals with God, begging him to accept them, change them. But how God’s heart must break to hear these prayers. Such ignorant hatred being spread throughout the world, in not just Christianity, but through cultures and forms. One day, I would like to think this never happens anymore.
How proud he must be when he looks at you. Perfect and beautiful just the way you are.