Plantation Shutters

You walked up to me in the bar. I was alone. Your smile hit me, your light hit me. I barely remember most of the conversation due to my internal dialogue wondering who you were. And before I knew it, you had to go to buy your mates drinks. I didn’t see you again that night, but hoped, due to your admittance you followed me on instagram, I would hear from you again.

Next morning I did. Asked me out on a date. I didn’t know anything about you, but I still felt that light and wanted to see you again.

We met for a cocktail. Bubble tea cocktail. Your energy was there. So was that smile. We lost track of time in our conversations, at one point you were talking to the girl nearby cause her date was going terribly. You leant in and kissed me, and you had me.

Later in the week, I stayed over yours. You had just installed “Plantation Shutters”. They stopped the lights from outside coming into your room. It was peaceful and dark. I felt your arms around me and I fell asleep so soundly.

Every time I stayed over, it became tradition to close the Plantation Shutters. What made them different to normal shutters? Don’t remember. Don’t care. It was just a fun little moment each time.

I met some of your close friends. It was warm. I felt welcome. I felt privileged, as I detected this didn’t happen often. We enjoyed dinners, we enjoyed breakfasts. We swapped stories of growing up, and how we thought. We followed similar paths, and also very different. We had faith, and we had values that complimented each other. You made me laugh. I made you laugh.

I felt you not respond as quickly as you used to. I explained to myself you were a busy man. When it came to two months, I mentioned it had been two months. You were surprised it was two months, then we changed topic. I wanted to know who we were. What were we? I wanted to know.

You said one night, while we sat on your couch, that we needed to talk about us. Yes. We did! Finally. Then your face said it all. This was not going to be a good chat. I heard your doubt. But there was hope. You still wanted me to stay the night. We got into bed, but the Plantation Shutters were open. You didn’t seem concerned, so I left them open. Three hours went by, the bright lights outside kept me awake. I woke up sweating. 2am. I got out of bed, and decided to go home.

A week later, faraway in Asia, you messaged me to answer my question of where you were at in your head. You let me go. You couldn’t give me enough, you said. You had to be honest. I had felt again, and I tried. That is all we can do. You asked me if I wanted to say anything else, I said you already knew.




  1. how nicely written, like a novel or a poem. however, the poetry seems to be in the reality of the story and harsh rush of the relationship. may your heart heal, lloydy.

  2. Wow! Your words…so powerful, so sad!
    ….and “Never let me go” by Florence and the Machine plays in my mind while reading this, I dont know why….
    Lloyd! Take the love of your family or the friendship of your mates or even just the sunny days of Melbourne spring….and wrap yourself in those warm blankets…they’ll keep you warm in the colder days of life….

    Hope all is well soon!

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